Elderly Parents – Planning for the Future

Growing old brings many challenges – not only for the person experiencing the difficulties of age. Looking after the needs of your parents when they are no longer able to do so for themselves can be demanding, especially if you have your own children to care for.
That’s why it’s wise to start planning ahead. Organisation and forethought can save you time and stress, as well as making it easier for your mum or dad. The more you can set in place before it’s needed, the more you will smooth out the bumpy journey we all face in one shape or another.

It’s Good to Talk!

Whilst it may not seem like a tempting prospect, talking these issues through with your parents is one of the most helpful things you can do. This makes sure there is clarity about what needs to be done and in the end will prove very reassuring for all concerned.
No one likes to think about the time when they won’t be able to look after themselves, but just as disease won’t magically go away without treatment, old age brings difficulties that won’t disappear by not thinking about them. Preparing for all possibilities is just like prompt medical treatment – it makes things better sooner.
If your mum or dad would find it easier to talk about such matters with someone else that’s fine. It can be very emotional for both you and them to talk about these issues, so perhaps sort this out with a trusted friend or relative.
However you handle it, make sure you address the following areas:

• Be clear about what your mum or dad wants. What scares them about the future? Knowing this can help you build in reassurance. What are their needs – the most important things to provide for and prioritise to give them the quality of life they want?
• Find out what preferences they might have for housing. If living at home isn’t possible, what would be the preferred alternative?
• Following on from this, what is the financial situation? The average care home costs £36,000 a year and in the south this can be £50,000. Those with over £23,250 in capital (which can include property) will receive no state help with these costs so it’s worth clarifying your mum or dad’s finances and perhaps seeking professional advice.
• Medical care has many implications. The time could come when you have to make decisions on behalf of your mum or dad. Consequently it’s important for you to understand their wishes.

Legal Planning for the Elderly

We live in a legalistic world and sorting out legal issues can be very time-consuming. You don’t want to deal with that during difficult times, so get it sorted now. Make sure your parent has:

• A legally drawn-up will that’s fully up to date.
• Lasting power of attorney. This gives you or someone else the legal power to make decisions on behalf of your parent if he or she is unable to do so. This relates particularly to housing decisions and finances.
• Advance directives. Power of attorney for healthcare allows you to make medical decisions if your parent can’t whilst a living will sets out your parent’s wishes for medical care.

Researching Support Services for the Elderly

Your mum or dad is likely to need support from many areas in their later years so find out now what the possibilities are in your area.

• Make a list of all the services available for the elderly and infirm, whether council or private.
• Talk with homecare businesses, such as the friendly team here at Nobilis, and visit a few care homes to be clear what the options are.
• If you don’t live close to your parent, make sure you have all useful contact details, such as doctors, solicitors and home care agencies. Even with the internet, having a local phone book is handy. You should also establish a neighbour or volunteer who is happy to check in on your mum or dad in case of a problem.

Don’t Neglect Yourself!

When the time comes for you to become responsible for your parent’s care it is vital for you to establish structures to protect yourself. The process can be time-hungry and stressful but so many sons and daughters feel they can’t put themselves first sometimes.
The truth is, you have to. It’s not making your parent any less of a priority; it’s simply making sure you are at your best. If you’re run down, stressed and neglecting your own needs you’re going to be far less effective at helping your mum or dad.
So build this into your planning. Work out realistically what you can do and sort out who can deal with the rest. That might be friends and family, it might be local services such as in-home healthcare, but if you draw up your plans now you won’t feel you have to take it all on when the time comes. This will make things better for you and your parent.

Honest Advice

At Nobilis we obviously provide in-home care, but as part of our reference bank this article is not intended simply as a sales pitch. At the heart of our service is recognition of the difficulties faced by families when their loved ones can no longer look after themselves. It was personal experience of this which led to our founders establishing the company.
That’s why we have put together these articles and whether you are thinking of using our services in the future or not, we’ll be happy to give you any advice you want about this daunting area.
No one wants to think about the possible difficulties looming darkly ahead, but you can lighten the horizon with a little planning. Call us now if you’d like help with that. No charges, no obligations, no hard sell – just people who understand what it’s like and know how to deal with it.
Telephone – 0845 680 0225