It’s a difficult decision. You know how much driving means to your mum or dad. It provides freedom and independence; it improves quality of life; and very importantly, it is a matter of pride.
Yet you’re also beginning to suspect age or illness could be making driving hazardous for your parent – and consequently for other drivers and pedestrians.
As with so many decisions you make in relation to family, it’s hard to detach yourself from the emotional issues. This can apply to both sides of the argument because it’s not just the fear of taking away something important from your parent. The news features alarming stories of the confused elderly driving the wrong way down motorways and even tragic tales of older drivers running over their own partners in driveways by pressing the accelerator instead of the brake or selecting reverse by accident. Of course such stories can make you worry, but the important thing is to consider the question in a balanced way.
There are many people in their twenties who are far more dangerous than drivers in their eighties or nineties who are still perfectly safe behind the wheel. In fact, by taking an active concern you could make differences which keep your mum or dad driving for many years to come.
So, what should you focus on and what action can you take?
Older Drivers Checklist
Eyesight
Probably the most common problem for elderly drivers is vision. Make sure your parent has regular check-ups with the optician and if glasses for distance viewing are needed they wear them! Various eye conditions such as cataracts, macular degeneration, glaucoma and diabetic retinopathy can all have an impact and often because deterioration is gradual it may not be obvious to the sufferer. It could be an idea to suggest your parent doesn’t drive at dusk or night-time if eyesight isn’t what it used to be.
Hearing
It’s easy to overlook how important good hearing is for older drivers. Make sure your parent’s ability to hear is adequate for safe driving.
Physical Ability
Even with power steering, driving requires a good level of dexterity and strength in both arms and legs. This may be an area to consider if you notice any weakness or problems with movement. Sometimes just making sure parents get enough physical activity can help strengthen muscles and dexterity, extending their driving life.
Also take a look at how your parent sits in the car. We all shrink a little with advancing years! Does the seat need to be raised or moved closer to the wheel? Is the rear-view mirror properly adjusted?
Diseases
If your parent suffers from a disease consider the impact of any symptoms on driving. Alzheimer’s disease creates confusion whilst those with severe diabetes could fall into a coma. If you have any concerns you should discuss them with your parent’s doctor.
Prescription Drugs
Medicines obviously help people, but even very common drugs have side-effects to consider. Feeling drowsy or having a slowed reaction time can create serious problems on the road, so read the leaflet that comes with your parent’s medication carefully and discuss any effects they have noticed.
Crucially, if your parent is taking various different medications – some of which their doctor may not be aware of – the interaction of these drugs can cause unexpected side-effects. It’s worth writing down everything your parent takes and checking with the doctor whether any problems could be created.
What Can I Do to Check Mum or Dad’s Driving?
Considering all the above is important, but the bottom line is what your parent is like on the road, so what should you do?
Think While You’re a Passenger
If you don’t normally ride as a passenger with your parent it’s a good idea to find a reason. You can, of course, just tell them you’d like to see how they’re getting on with driving, but you have to judge how they might react to that. It could be that making it seem like a ‘test’ will make them nervous and affect their driving.
You should think about all aspects of their driving:
- How confident are they on the road? Are there any signs of confusion?
- Do certain driving situations cause difficulty, such as junctions or roundabouts?
- Do they keep a good road position? Consider drifting within lanes or coming too close to parked cars.
- Do they indicate and turn/change lane in a safe manner?
- Do they keep a safe distance from the car in front?
- Is driving speed good? Remember very slow drivers can also create a hazard.
- Do they find it easy to turn the steering wheel or change gear?
- Do they scan the road properly, including using mirrors?
- Can they reverse safely?
- Can they cope with very bright or dim light?
If you have any concerns then it’s time to talk. Often this can just be a matter of reminding them about good driving practice to keep them and others safe. After many years of driving we all fall into bad habits! If it’s more serious then you have to consider as a family what’s best and consulting the doctor may once again be important – not least because this helps take out the emotional element for both you and your parent.
Check the Car
Now and again just take a quiet look at your parent’s car. Have there been any scrapes or dents? This could be a sign of driving difficulties.
You should also make sure the car is fully roadworthy – check tyre pressures, treads and oil levels.
Take Positive Action
Talking through your concerns is a positive thing to do and can actually help keep your parent on the road. If you have seen issues which worry you then act. Constructive advice for your mum or dad can improve their driving and did you know many driving schools offer courses for older drivers? This can be the perfect way to sort out those problems and help your parent keep his or her independence.
My Parent Ought to Give Up Driving – What Should I Do?
All of the above should help you in coming to a decision, but if you feel it really is time for your mum or dad to stop driving this is incredibly difficult, so how should you approach it?
Firstly, be sure. Mild problems should not lead to overreaction. Remember what a difference this will make to your parent’s life.
It’s important to deal with this as a family, so make sure everyone’s on board. There is no perfect way to raise this with parents – so much depends on the personalities involved – but the important points are:
- Stress how this is a question not only of their safety, but that of other road users and pedestrians.
- Talk though the specific facts which have led you to this decision.
- Make sure you include positive alternatives. Maybe the family can pull together to ensure plenty of people are available to drive them. Have clear information about the schemes in your area to help the non-driving elderly, such as volunteer hospital drivers. The more you can provide options to reduce damage to their lifestyle the better.
- Involve the doctor. He or she will provide the objectivity which may help convince your parent it’s time to hang up the keys.
- You could be surprised. In many cases elderly drivers have had concerns themselves or even had frightening near-misses which they haven’t shared. Sometimes a loved one raising their own concerns can be the push they secretly wanted to call it a day.
The bottom line is that given the choice of limiting your parent’s independence or seeing them badly hurt it becomes clear there’s actually no choice at all.
Do all you can to help your parent stay driving safely on the road, but when it’s clear that time’s up you can’t afford to put it off. The difficult decisions are almost always the most important ones.
Honest and Caring Advice
At Nobilis the elderly matter, but so do their families and we do all we can to support everyone in the difficult situations brought on by age.
If this article has raised questions or concerns you would like to discuss our friendly team has a great deal of experience. Whether your loved one is being looked after through our in-home care service or not, we’re happy to take some time to discuss any issues you may have about elderly driving problems.
Have a supportive and informative chat with us on
0845 680 0225
